In between day long bouts of studying and failing to retain coherent or reasonable amounts of information on either animal anatomy, college math or cellular biology I took a little side trip into the world of semi fiction to document the trials and tribulations from a knitting group I belong to.
EZ as Pi- a fable of knitting endeavours
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Fiber Arts, in the Principality of Spinners and Knitters, there was a very “Wise Woman of Pithy Advice” who taught many ladies of the principality to “go forth and knit.” This wise woman was renowned for love of knitting and for her support and encouragement to knitters, both experienced and novice, and in her lifetime had left behind her many tomes filled with her designs, instructions and advice.
The ladies of the principality read these tomes and took the “Wise Woman of Pithy Advice’s” (henceforth to be known as WWPA) words to heart and went forth and knitted.
One day while sitting and spinning for their many knitting projects, a certain group of Knitting Ladies decided that it would be fun to do a group project. Alas, many of their erstwhile knitting companions did live far away in other kingdoms. Not given to despair, the ladies after much consultation with each other and with the daughter of the “WWPA” and her various helpers and attendants, decided to form a group using the marvellous magical medium of electronic mail or e- mail as it was known in the day.
The Knitting Ladies and advocates of the “WWPA’s” formed a group to under the dread control of the “Magical Yahoo” and appointed a certain Lady Elaine, who, since as she said “was nobody’s mom,” they christened Leader of the Pack. The Leader of the Pack agreed and quickly assembled much information on patterns, and members from far and near who wanted to join in the endeavour. The Leader of the Pack also agreed to act as the moderator for the group, to keep control and vaguely direct the Knitting Ladies so that their endeavours would not run amuck and so that no knitting endeavour would be in vain nor knitter left behind, and in her role as Leader of the Pack, to intercede with the Magical Yahoo. By mutual consent, the group christened itself as the “EZ as Pi” group and established a presence on the dread Kingdom of the Magical Yahoo’s communication system. At this time the group also mutually decided that their first endeavour would be the magical “Pi shawl”, a pattern first developed by the “WWPA”many years before.
January 20th was declared to be the official “cast on or start day” and some EZ as Pi Knitting Ladies began to spin fiber in many wondrous methods and techniques and of all the textures and colors of the known world and unknown world to boot. Other Knitting Ladies began to prowl their local yarn stores and paw through their various fiber stashes assembling the materials for their knitted Pi shawls. Others scurried to book stores to obtain the magical book KA (Knitters Almanac), written by the “WWPA” which contained the magical formula for the Pi shawl. Others found lace patterns of Madeira Diamonds, sheep and other mystical fiber companions, arches, diamonds and flowers of mystical and magical device to be incorporated into the shawl pattern
Many Knitting Ladies organized “cast on parties” so that groups of them could work their way through the dread “Emily Ocker cast on”, much advocated by the “WWPA” Others, being alone and in the far reaches of the kingdom, sent pleas for help and advice for the selection of needless, materials and the fearful “Ocker Cast On” and there was much spirited discussion and debate as the Knitting Ladies commenced on the knitting of their Pi shawls.
From the far reaches of the kingdoms of fiber, via the medium of the Magical Yahoo, came frequent questions and many fruitful suggestions and discussions about cast on methods, needle types, sizes and styles, fiber selection, spinning processes for lace weight fiber, pattern selection, the theories of pi and the magical increase in the number of stitches in the shawl. Along with cries of despair over the fearful “Ocker cast on” came cries of success and triumph as slowly but surely each of the Knitting Ladies mastered each step of the process from spinning, to cast on, to knitting, to conquering the first diamonds, to getting past the first and second sets of increases and many were the fine hints and suggestions that were published abroad on the Magical Yahoo. The secret languages of knitting markers, of which kind, where in the pattern , and when to move them was thoroughly discussed as was the esoteric skill of reading the lace pattern in the previous row and doing away with markers all together. Gradually the discussions on the Magical Yahoo subsided to occasional questions, comments and progress reports as each of the Knitting Ladies progressed with her chosen endeavour. Only occasionally did calls come from the outer kingdoms of new ladies joining the group, of personal histories, triumphs and tragedies, and occasional reports of naughty puppies, evil dogs and an occasional invasion of frogs in some areas of the realm.
Life went on sweetly and evenly, with shawls being started and making progress and some shawls being completed with photos given into the keeping of the Magical Yahoo, until one day an Evil Witch, her interest excited by the photo archives on the Magical Yahoo, arrived on the scene.
“Things are too quiet and peaceful here in this kingdom” she declared. “There is too much progress being made and the Knitting Ladies are to full of their own triumphs.” and although she would not admit it to herself, she was also secretly jealous for she too yearned to be able to go forth and knit instead of always making mischief. “I must teach them humility and a goodly lesson in the fine magical arts of frogging and tinking and make them learn the value of safety lines” she said, and so saying, she waved her magical double pointed needles ( what else would you expect, this is a knitting fable after all) three times in the air, clicked her heels twice, pronounced a quiet curse or two, added a few invectives as an after thought and found a suitable place in the woods for a nice deep pond with steep and slippery sides. Again she waved her dps and stamped her feet and where she stamped there appeared a frog pond full on tangly weedy badly written patterns, misplaced stitches, faux yarn overs, unnecessary decreases, lost stitch markers, misplaced balls of yarn, broken spinning wheel drive bands, the yarn tangle toys and destroyed shawls from the naughty puppies, the chewed yarn labels of evil dogs and all sorts of things designed to frustrate, thwart and slow down even the most experienced knitter.
All too soon, the effects of the Evil Witch’s curses and waving of double pointed needles could be seen and felt as one after another Knitting Lady found her knitting gone hopelessly awry and herself hopelessly transformed into a frog and dropped, along with her knitting into the frog pond. Their cries of despair alerted other Knitting Ladies who quickly sent out rescue parties carrying safety lines, extra stitch markers, lashings of patience and support, notes of advice and virtual chocolate to encourage the hapless Frog Ladies. Slowly each of the Frog Ladies learned from her particular mistake and most inserted safety lines into their knitting, and undaunted began again to knit. As each Frog Lady did find her way out of the frog pond, she again became a Knitting Lady. Many Knitting Ladies decided to pause by the frog pond to rest and recuperate, and soon there were flashing knitting needles all around the frog pond so that those ladies still feeling the effect of the witch’s curse as frogs were much encouraged and soon enough Frog Ladies were had found their way out of the frog pond, that the slopes, being lined with help and rescue lines, became less slippery and the frog pond became an interesting side trip in the journey of knitting the Pi shawl. Because the lessons learned in the frog pond were swiftly communicated via the Magical Yahoo, many of the Knitting Ladies managed to avoid the curse of the Evil Witch and the frog pond completely and even those who did not manage to avoid the frog pond did benefit greatly from the increasing wisdom and solidarity of the group.
The Evil Witch, being frustrated in her attempts to teach the followers of the WWPA a little humility, decided to take a more devious path. In the silent darkness of the woods of knitting ignorance, she built a high brick wall placing it directly across the path the Knitting Ladies would have to follow to get to the Meadow of Completion in front of the castle of WWPA. While working in secret, the evil witch also cast a spell on many of the fiber animals and dear companions that the Knitting Ladies owned and took pleasure in. Although geared to all the many types of fiber animals being owned and employed to produce fiber for the Knitting Ladies to use in the Pi shawls, the curse only seemed to affect the dogs and cats of the kingdom. Or perhaps it really also affected the sheep, alpacas, llamas and bunnies of the kingdom, but most of these, being primarily outside animals, had less access to the Pi shawls of the Knitting Ladies. In any event, the curse did work on many cats and dogs and suddenly there were many cries of woe and dismay on the Magical Yahoo from Knitting Ladies who found their almost completed Pi shawls ravelled and tangled and played with to a point almost beyond or beyond rescue by their loving fiber companions with yarn tags chewed beyond repair, wooden needles soggy and damaged, balls of yarn missing and much random chaos, damage and destruction.
At the same time, some Knitting Ladies who had good dogs and cats, or those who had avoided the curse of the frog pond, or by dint of sheer hard work, perseverance and good luck suddenly found themselves blocked from the sunlit, flower filled Meadow of Completion by the high brick wall the Evil Witch had built. Some contemplated giving up altogether, others wandered back to the frog pond to jump in and cool off or just to sit along the banks and commiserate with those in the pond, while still others, adopting the attitude of the little train that could cried “I think I can” and responding to the cries of encouragement of those who had made it into the Meadow of Completion before the wall was built, kept on knitting undaunted. The Knitting Ladies in the Meadow of Completion, anxiously waiting those still knitting on their shawls, sent out more notes of encouragement, and many virtual rescue parties via the Magical Yahoo. All rescue parties now carried virtual chocolate, magical double pointed knitting needles, help lines and evil puppy leashes as a matter of routine. The rescue parties found many of the Knitting Ladies beside and in the frog pond and put them back onto the correct path towards the meadow. They found many of the Knitting Ladies who were hitting their heads against the wall, swathed their heads in the softest of wool, dried their tears and led them gently, with words of hope and encouragement, around the wall and into the meadow.
Then from afar came a thought from one of the knitting ladies. “I know” she cried “let us take the brick wall and turn it into a kennel for the Evil Witch and let us transform those naughty puppies into handsome virtual princes.”
So by dint of much waving of magical double pointed needles, stomping, singing, dancing in spirals and the employment of much chicken fat and incantations by the rescue parties led by the magical crone, the brick wall was transformed into a kennel for the Evil Witch who had only ever really wanted a place to play and to learn to knit. The rescue parties stocked the kennel well with left over fiber, extra needles, a copy of the “dread Ocker cast on”, patterns for Madeira diamond, vines and trellises and many other wondrous and splendiferous lace patterns, an assortment of knitting gadgets and hints, made sure that there was a sufficient supply of virtual chocolate, and coffee and tea, cleared off the path to the frog pond and laid in a supply of rescue line and left the witch there happily employed in her own amusements.
Next the rescue parties gathered up all of the evil dogs and naughty puppies and a few random evil fiber kitties and ran to the meadow where they proceeded to dance, spin, stomp, chant and wave dpns until each and every one of the animals was either transformed into a handsome prince or at the very least a reformed good puppy, dog or kitty and dear boon companion.
The handsome princes ran into the dark woods, kissed all the frogs remaining in the frog pond, magically transforming them into Knitting Ladies with completed shawls and took them all back to the sunlit meadow.
And to this day, so many say, somewhere in the magical Kingdom of Fiber Arts, in the Principality of Spinning and Knitting, is sunlit, flower strewn meadow filled with Knitting Ladies draped and swathed in beautiful knit lace shawls, accompanied by handsome and admiring princes and obedient fiber animals, all dancing and leaping and gamboling and cavorting in the sun, having followed the sage words of the WWPA and “gone forth and knitted.”
Marni J. Haring
Member of the EZ as Pi group
Knitting Lady of the king sized Icelandic shawl and the Blue Sheep in the Meadow shawl
Sugar Land, Texas
March 9, 2005
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