March in Texas is “Ford Truck Month”. This advertising ploy is timed to coincide with the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo where the latest, hottest, greatest Ford trucks are on display for all the stock farmers and stock showers, wanna be cowboys and urban cowboyettes. Since I spent considerable time demonstrating spinning and weaving at the Agventure tent, just down the display hall from where the trucks were being displayed, I had ample time on my breaks to go and peruse Ford’s latest offering, the Ford Crew Cab 750 “Texas Edition” pickup truck.
When I was a child, growing up on a ranch in northern New Mexico, we had a ford pickup. It was painted a sort of sand blasted dull army barracks mint green and had all the amenities of the time. Windows that rolled down, an engine that started, ran and could handle coming down off the mountains into the valley and climbing back up the mesas on the other side, provided you could hit 60 on the straightaway and build a bit of momentum. The bed in the back was corrugated metal, the tail gate was held in place by pins through holes in the sides of the truck bed, and kept from dropping flat down by a pair of chains. It had those funny stick up off the fender headlights, and running boards two people could stand comfortably on. It also had windshield wipers and a radio and although the windshields were often stopped in defeat by snow, and the radio reception was next to null, it was considered pretty close to a top of the line by the residents of the local village, and the other ranchers in the area.
Whenever we went into Santa Fe for supplies or shopping, or out across the mesas hunting gophers, we kids rode in the back, sometime standing up to see something, but mostly crunched against the back of the cab to get out of the worst of the wind drag, bouncing along across the rough clay roads and wishing our skinny little butts had more padding on them or that mommy had succumbed to our pleas for some cushions or at least feed sacks to sit on. The Ford trucks at the Livestock Show were light years away from those humble beginnings.
We’re talking the top of the line, hottest boy toy, equipped with all possible amenities, the ultimate “oh my god where would you have room to park that thing in a typical Houston driveway, but I gotta have it anyway, damn the kids education or feeding the dogs or paying the rent or credit card bills” version of the lowly pickup truck here, not just your everyday pickup.
The” Texas Edition” featured a large lone star emblem on the grill which distinguished it from the common everyday trucks that weren’t “Texas Editions.” In addition to the special emblem, the Texas Edition I looked at had standard equipment which included 750 horsepower, a stretch crew cab that seated 7 in individually adjustable seats, each with its own cup holder, stereo headset plug in and front and back zone climate control, standard antilock breaks, cruise control, pivoting “follow the road halogen head lights”, gps equipment, on star, automatic transmission, alternate four wheel drive, and a hemi engine. This last item as standard seemed in particular to excite every yehaw in the area. Also included as standard were front and side airbags, ac, am/fm cd audio disc player, keyless operation, individual overhead reading lights, antilock breads, crumple resist fenders, a removable “tuff coat “bed liner, locking storage bins between the cab and each wheel well, plus a drop in storage bin at the back underneath that could hold “a weeks worth of camping gear or a fully dressed out buck”.
Additional “optional “amenities included a flat screen video display, and vcr player, foldaway foot stools for the back seats, climate controlled seats, an optional humidor, extra wide tires, a slide over bed cover, plush headrests for the seats, and the promise to match any down payment up to a thousand dollars which would leave the buyer enough left over to buy his own boots and hat. I guess that was to go along with the special lone star emblem on the front. I mean heavens forefend that you be driving a pickup big enough and luxurious enough to host your local weekly poke party and not be appropriately dressed!
The salesmen were swamped with people, mostly men, making appointments for a test drive and lining up to buy but I never did get a coherent idea of how much that particular monstrosity cost, as it mostly depended on the amenities, but I’m guessing it was probably enough to pay for another year or two of college for my daughter.
Texas is a strange strange place.
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