Texas Road Rules
As is usual for me, January has been somewhat of a lost month. Between hand recovery, a trip to CA to help my sisters do the final clear out of my mother's house before putting it on the market, my annual winter allergy/cold/asthma attack and generally trying to get my life back on schedule after the holidays when I allowed myself to slack off on study and fiber endeavors, I can't say I have made much progress on any front.
DH is enjoying his new bike and beginning to get some saddle callouses over longer distances and we have had several enjoyable rides. Since one of my Christmas presents was a bike rack for the car, we have been doing rural guerilla biking instead of facing Houston traffic and drivers.
Based on a series of 3 30 mile rural/semi rural rides, I have come up with the beginnings of a list of road rulesand truisms that apply to rural biking in Texas.
Road Rules for Texas Bikers
1. Without a bit of blood, it isn't a real road ride.
2. On a good day you herd the longhorns and chase the stray dogs, on a bad day, they chase you.
3. Long, straight, flat and boring is a fact of life. Learn to love it or leave the state.
4. Haze, humidity and headwinds are another fact of life in Texas.
5. The farther out in the country you are, the more alcoholic beverage containers you will encounter. Closer in to the city, its all soft drinks and fast food. Nowhere are there anough trash cans.
6. Never stop at a roadside restaurant or pit stop that doesn’t have at least two presentable cars of a vintage within the last 10 years. Modern souped up pick ups and monster trucks do not count.
7. Wearing bright colored biking jerseys and shorts make you a better target.
8. SR stands for state road, CR stands for county road. Of the two, state roads tend to be marginally better. Farm Roads (FM) and Market Roads (MR) can go either way.
9. Chances are if you’ve seen one route marker on a road, you’ve them all. Don’t count on seeing another one anytime soon.
10. When you see a cattle crossing sign, there are probably loose animals in the area. See #2 above.
11. The narrower the road, the steeper the drop off ,the deeper the ditch on either side and the more likely you are to end up in it at some point through no fault of your own.
12. No, those vultures and buzzards aren’t following you, they’re everywhere in Texas.
13. Vulture and buzzard poop on the road stays moist longer than it reasonably should.
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14. Vultures and Buzzards tend to let loose just before they fly up in front of you. See #13.
15. Never ride closer than ten feet to a road kill skunk.
16. Tomatoe juice will not take skunk stink off a bike tire. Nothing has been invented yet. Avoid it or live with it.
17. Early Sunday morning may be a good time to ride in the city, but in the country, they are still cleaning up the carnage.
18. If they wave, it’s polite to wave back, even if they have just run you off the road.
19. Try not to make eye contact with anything larger than yourself.
20. Dust and pollen constitute two forms of nutritional fiber.
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