Observations on the New Year

Singing the Star Spangled Banner

I watched a football game last weekend. It was LSU vs Ohio State and was played in new Orleans.

I know singing the opening anthem at these big pro bowl games is a big deal. I also appreciate the fact that New Orleans has had a pretty horrific couple of years, what with Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and that they have had a long hard struggle. I can also appreciate that the Resurrection Hall band is a well known New Orleans jazz band and that they have done a lot of work to help restore the "Big Easy's" musical reputation.

What I don't understand is why they chose to play the National Anthem at the tempo of a funeral dirge. Nor do I understand why the singer, whoever he was, appeared to be able to stay vertical in the midst of an apparent epileptic fit of soulful singing only by clutching the microphone stand in a death grip. I also wonder why they persist in picking singers for nationally televised events that cannot hit the high notes on the phrase "the rockets red glare" without faking or forcing it into a painful cacophony of shrieks or tremolo.

Call me a grumpy old woman, but I cannot see why our National Anthem cannot be sung in simple straight forward musical mode by someone qualified to sing the entire range of notes both low and high, easily and and in a musical manner. It is, after all, one of the true American Classics and should be regarded as such instead of being a showcase for every aspiring recording artist whether qualified and talented or not.

Warning Labels and Darwin Awards

Recently the Darwin Awards were awarded. For those few who don't know, the Darwin Awards are granted to various individuals and or groups, who, by force on their natures and actions, genes should be removed from the gene pool before they can procreate. While none of them was as exceptional in my mind as some from previous years, there was the usual selection of total lack of ability to use common sense, reason out a logical chain events or even show miniscule regard for the laws of cause and effect.

The same day that the Darwin Awards came out, I came across and editorial on warning labels whose existence only go to reconfirm the need for the Darwin Awards.

Included among the warning labels that should be avoided for safety's sake were the following.

1. The warning label on the barrel of the nail gun which reads "always keep gun pointed in a safe direction,", which can only be read by pointing the barrel of the said nail gun directly at your eyes.

2. The warning label on a bottle of medication which reads " do not operate a car while taking this medication." I'm sure any dog, for whom the medication was prescribed, felt severely disabled and discriminated against to not be able to drug and drive like their human masters.

3. The warning label on an electronic rotary tool which reads " do not use this drill as a dental drill."

4. The various warning signs on ovens and washers advising users "Do not put your child in this appliance."

5. The very succint warning label on a new car model, "avoid death."

6. And my favorite warning, found on a bottle of champagne, "remove label before putting in microwave."

At least I now know enough to avoid dentists carrying shop tools and drinking nuked champagne.

It's probably a good thing that the website where you can create your own warning labels is no longer available. I'm sure it would be flooded with other ripe possibilities.

Zombies in the Gene Pool, anyone?